A Final Story from Gilgal Farm

Another participant shares about the day's experience, 

I really enjoyed this day and it has not left me. It surprised me that I connected with a horse in such a special way.  It scared me at first, but I worked through my fear. By the end of the day, I needed no commands to get the horse to start, stop or follow me.  We just knew.  I also felt no pain until I tried to grasp the spoon (to carry the egg!).  But I definitely did not think about the constant burden of my current job and work at all during the day. I lost myself completely in something bigger than me:  God, the horse and the experience.  I have not stopped thinking about my horse since we met.  I would like to visit the farm again on my own.

This was such a wonderful day for the participants as well as for the facilitators and horse handlers.  We believe the horses had a good time as well!  

To view a Smilebox slideshow of the day's adventure, click on the Equine Event link below.  Most computers are able to download these, and it is better viewed on a desktop than on a mobile/portable device.   Currently, we use the free service for Smilebox so you may see some advertisements.  The show will begin about 20 seconds after the download is complete.  Enjoy.

Equine Event 2013

A Story from Gilgal Farm ...

Saturday's equine event at Gilgal Farm was magical.  I will post pictures and a Smilebox slideshow in the near future.  For those who would like to experience the impact of equine assisted learning, The Spirituality Network is sponsoring a weekend program in October at Gilgal with the same awesome women who facilitated our event.  Visit The Divine Mirror Equine Retreat for more information.

In the meantime, I was given permission to share a photo and a story from one of our participants.

This image speaks the proverbial "thousand words" for me. I had asked my horse handler what the "divot" in Snap's side/neck was from and she explained to me that it is called "the thumbprint of God". A mark from no known source or injury and it "just is". As I braided Snap's hair I was remembering (missing) my pre-chemo hair and smiling at how I now have my granddaughter's hair to braid. I think my recent 10-year milestone of cancer recovery has me still very aware of how it could have gone and more to the point, very aware of all I have been here to see these past 10 years! I was humbled to realize that I celebrate God's "hand" in my life but am just now recognizing "it-is-what-it-is" is God's thumbprint.

Thanks for today's gifts.

Making the Heart and Soul Connection

I am excited to share with you that a close friend of mine and an AWBA supporter, Michelle Rogers, will be offering her gifts to AWBA's readers in monthly blog posts in September, October and November.  The series is entitled, 

The Spirit of Sogetsu

 Making the Heart and Soul Connection

with Flowers and Plant Materials

It is our intention that the images, dialogue, reflection questions and prompts be posted the first Monday of each month.  For those registered for the monthly AWBA email, a link will be posted in the monthly newsletters emailed throughout this series.  You may also opt to receive email notification of new blog posts by registering your email address in the "follow by email" link in the right bar of this blog.  The comment feature will be available for discussion with Michelle throughout this three-month series.  This series is part of our AWBA blog (which is public and open to anyone) and there is no charge for this event.  Michelle is a gifted Sogetsu instructor who lives with a chronic diagnosis and has also been in the role of a caregiver and support person.  I know you will appreciate the wisdom and creativity she will share with us.  She writes about her journey,

I am Michelle Rogers, a person with a lifetime of serving and caregiving experience. I’ve been a big sister, waitress, respiratory therapist, community ministry coordinator, small business owner, lay speaker, chaplain, hospice volunteer, and spiritual director.  These are a few of the jobs and positions that I have held over the years, some of which I still do. Most recently I have added Sogetsu ikebana teacher to my resume. I am instructing others in the art of Japanese flower arranging. I began my own studies in Sogetsu over a decade ago, but it wasn’t until I found myself on the receiving end of service and caregiving over the past six years, that I began to realize the spiritual and healing power that this art form offers me. It is from this place of realization that I hope to share with others both the art of Sogetsu AND personal reflections as a person who has experienced episodes of acute and chronic health conditions. 

We invite you to learn more about the spiritual value of Sogetsu as one impacted by a chronic diagnosis - whatever your role may be. I have had the experience to observe Michelle as she creates her art and to be a student in an Ikebana class at the Franklin Park Conservatory alongside her.  Both experiences made an impact on me and I am eager to make this creative expression available to others.  Watch for an upcoming online retreat and an in-person workshop with Michelle to be offered in the coming months.

Michelle, thank you for this gift :)

What to do with worry?

When I die, I want my heart and soul fully seeded with rich stories and experiences.  I want to be moving forward, falling upward, leaving my body well worn.  I want to know presence, staying with what is hard until it softens, staying with what is narrow until it expands.

-- I Will Not Die an Unlived Life, Dawna Markova

A close friend was listening to my story of anxiety and fear surrounding a particular circumstance and suggested this book by Dawna Markova.  I found a copy at our local library.  When I realized I could not put it down and finished it at the speed read rate in two days, I acquired my own copy.  I am now happily highlighting, underlining and tabbing pages.  If you are not familiar with it, here is a link Amazon.

How do those impacted by a chronic diagnosis even begin to dig beneath the many layers of fear, anxiety and worry to identify what is really at the root of that dark, foreboding, shape-changing cloud that hovers on some days?  Aren't we tired enough as it is???For me, those emotions certainly seem an appropriate response on days when the cloud of fear and uncertainty seems to have taken residence squarely above my head.  The Bible tells us repeatedly not to worry, not to be afraid, and not to be anxious.  Repeatedly.  It becomes a bit hard to ignore.  God knows how much energy (and useless energy at that!) is expended in leaving the present moment to journey down some long, dark road to an assumed end point over which we have little, if any, control.  

Early in this book Dawna talks about her experience with cancer, and how friends and medical professionals encouraged her to take up the battle and fight alongside them to beat this disease.  Dawna came to realize she was not wired that way and did much better with an attitude of befriending the cancer and all of its emotions.  Not having had to walk that particular path, I can't say that I could make the same choice.  The battle metaphor seems the most logical avenue in some cases.  But, in my own experience, I can say that her comment sparked something in me that I needed to reconsider.  To stay with what is hard  until it softens, to stay with what is narrow until it expands - "to stay with" seems a way to welcome in the emotions as part of my reality.  It takes intentional effort, a willingness to sit in the hard and narrow space, and an earnest desire to discover a new way to respond to the dance I engage in when I find myself in those hard, energy-depleting places.  Some may choose to soldier on and ignore it all.  I certainly understand that and have done so myself.  I also know it does not work in the long term.  Rumi's poem The Guest House follows this same wisdom.

When I read the above excerpt, the first thing that came to me is what long distance runners tell me.  To reach the finish line with energy left to spare means you did not race your best race.  I have watched my son cross many long distance race finish lines over the years, and I am confident that he finishes having left everything he had in the race itself.  When I die, that is what I want.  It is my desire to live a fully-lived life.  I don't want to leave any experience not fully lived.  Anxiety, worry, fear, and concern for the future depletes my energy and my joy from the rich stories and experiences that await me.

My Worry Meter has calmed significantly in the past couple of years.  As I have made choices to move forward and fall upward, to surround myself with others who are making life-giving choices,  and to risk following my passion as it is lived out through AWBA and in my spiritual direction and retreat practice, I feel an attitude shift.  The cloud of worry may hover sometimes but it does not set up permanent residence.

A few months ago I began doing a 30-minute brisk walk at a nearby park.  It is part of my daily rhythm and is time for me to be quiet with God amidst the beauty of creation.  It is making a difference in my day.  A God that created and maintains such stunning images for all my senses to enjoy "just because" has to be crazy in love with me and consistently present for me.

So, if you find yourself beneath a cloud of worry, concern or anxiety today, stop and consider my perspective.  My way may not be your way.  My life circumstances are not your life circumstances.  But, I do believe way will be made when we make a deliberate choice to move forward and fall upward regardless of what life hands us in the moment.

An Unexpected Diagnosis

Recently one of our board members passed along this article from the publication, "Sojourners."  It is one man's story with his unexpected medical diagnosis and his journey toward trusting God more deeply through that process.  You can read it here, Losing Control.

The writer shares,

My friend Richard Rohr, who also had a bout with cancer, told me 
that “these things change our relationship to God.” 

That is so true, isn't it?  It is not unusual for someone to deny to themselves and others that they sense a changing relationship with God out of fear that they are losing their faith, especially in times of crisis.  That fear is often shared confidentially with me in some form - almost as a secret that must remain underground.   But, just as we are changing and growing through all the circumstances of our life, it makes sense that how we relate to God will change as we adjust to a new normal.  


I always find personal stories like this to be helpful in some regard.  Sometimes the person's circumstances are very near to mine and I latch onto every nugget of wisdom I can find.  Other times I am simply grateful to learn how one individual regains their sense of trust and deepened faith when the unexpected happens.  Although the lesson may not match my current circumstances in that moment, it is very likely it will become relevant at some point in the future.  It all belongs.


As space permits, we always welcome the opportunity to pass along a helpful article, website, blog, etc. that our readers think could benefit anyone living with a chronic diagnosis and/or those who support someone in their journey.  Email me at director@myawba.org if you find your own gem to share.

The Gift of Blessing

Maxine Shonk is a colleague of mine in Central Ohio.  She has been affiliated with the Dominican Sisters of Peace for 48 years.  Maxine has written two books of blessings, Blessing Upon Blessing and Silver Linings, Blessings for Shadow Times.  I frequently utilize Maxine’s blessings with spiritual directees, for retreat experiences, and in small groups.  AWBA's upcoming retreat "Carrying the Soul of Summer" offers one of Maxine's blessings in each week's material.  Her blessings are so relevant for those impacted by a chronic diagnosis.  To learn more about these books or to order a copy (they make great gifts as well!) visit blessing books.  I know you will enjoy hearing her story.

Could you share a little bit about yourself as a Dominican Sister and how you have chosen to live out your vocation in ministry to others?
I am a Dominican Sister of Peace and am a native of Lancaster Ohio.  As a Dominican my experiences include teaching or administration in elementary, secondary and under graduate education.  For the last twenty four years I have ministered in spirituality as spiritual director, retreat facilitator, presenter, and preacher in adult faith formation.  My ministry in education has led me to many schools in Ohio, including Ohio Dominican University, and to New Haven in Connecticut as high school teacher/administrator.  My ministry in spirituality and theology took me into parish ministry in Columbus, into the position of administrator in the early founding days of the Spirituality Network, and off to Great Bend Kansas for work with a spirituality team at a retreat center there.  Retreat ministry in the ecumenical community, has taken me into many churches and faith communities in central Ohio, and into a life altering experience of an eight week fact finding mission to four countries in East Africa.  Among the many venues in which I have served I have a particular passion for my involvement with women’s groups and with my work with women who are marginalized in the Columbus area. It is in the context of all these experiences that, over the years, I began to write blessings both as a way to express what I knew as blessing in my ministry and as an instrument with which others could bless one another.  These blessings have found their way into the two books referenced above.

Would you speak briefly to the purpose of “blessing” and how it can be a vital part of our spiritual journey?  
Blessing has always been a very important theme in the Judeo-Christian tradition.  At the very beginning God created all that is, created each of us, and blessed it.  And God never stops blessing us throughout our lives.  It is ours to remember and recall God’s presence and blessing if we are to know its role in our lives.  I think we have to be on the lookout for God’s blessing even in the hardest of times for it is there.  But if we are not looking we will miss it. I think that when we bless one another we are reminding one another to look for God, to watch God working in our lives.  As a child  I was taught this lesson but didn’t really learn it until I was in my forties.  I grew up in a family of 14 children and we lived in a very small house which my father was always trying to make bigger.  He was very good with his hands and was always working in the basement on some project.  He was a contemplative man so I suspect his retreats to the basement were about more than working on his projects.  Besides that is where he kept his homemade wine!  Anyway, as a child, I remember sitting on the basement steps watching him.  Very seldom were there words exchanged between us.  He did his work and I sat with my chin in my hands and watched.  As I grew into adulthood I remember looking back at those times and resenting the fact that he did not speak to me, did not engage me in conversation.  Did he even notice that I was there?!   Why couldn’t he have at least acknowledged me?!  I was angry and these were all questions I needed to ask and to process.  But finally in my forties when someone asked me what my image of God was, I said without thinking,   “God is the one to watch working in your life.”  And I knew then I had been blessed by the experience.  So perhaps the purpose of blessing is to point out to us or to highlight what is already there and how God is present to it.  The best definition of blessing that I have heard is that to bless is to “make holy”, to “make sacred”.  The biblical notion of blessing also always involves being blessed and blessing in turn. It is a scriptural principle that those who freely receive should also freely give (Mt 10:37)  So as we are made holy (blessed) by our experiences (always … in time) so we are asked to bless each other and make holy all those we meet.

I know you have received stories from others about how people have been impacted through these blessings.  Can you share a few of those stories?
I have found that the most effective way to use these blessings is to have them bestowed upon you;  to hear the blessing from another’s lips.  I have done this in countless circles at the end of retreats where each one chooses a blessing and blesses the one next to them aloud.  In one such circle, a retreat for a parish team who knew each other well, a husband and wife were standing next to each other.  He had just announced to the group that his cancer had returned and he would be undergoing a second round of chemo and would not be able to work with them for a while.  His wife then blessed him with the blessing she had drawn:   May the God of Courage be with you, helping your to embrace the darkness and pain of the journey, calling you to stand in love with those who suffer.  May this God carve her faithful love into your heart.  May your inner self be transformed so that you can see more clearly our own journey as one of peace, hope, and solidarity. 

The Sisters with whom I worked in Kansas ran a hospital nearby.  They took the blessings and hung them one by one on a “tree” in the lobby.  Visitors and patients alike  began to bless one another and even took them home to bless children and parents.  One rural retreat center put the blessings in their free standing mailbox where travelers and visitors would stop and choose their blessing.  They watched each day as a neighboring farmer working in his field would drive his tractor up to the mailbox, dismount, choose his blessing and drive off again.  Home visitors prepare baskets of blessings to take to their shut-in patients so that they may be blessed daily.  I am constantly and consistently amazed by the way these blessings have graced people’s lives.  It is as if they have a life of their own and the Spirit has taken charge of them in a way I could never have predicted or controlled! 

As you know, AWBA’s ministry has as its primary focus to provide support and encouragement to those who live with chronic disease and their caregivers.  How would those we serve be impacted by a book of blessings?  How are the topics relevant to being impacted by a chronic disease?   
I think that one of the most difficult and most rewarding things we can do for ourselves is to be able to take a step back from our close-up perspective, and to see ourselves as God sees us … broken AND blessed.  God is a both/and God in an either/or world.   Even in our anger, disappointments, discouragements, etc.  God waits to bless.  Watch for God.  The blessings especially in the “Silver Linings” book are one small effort at putting words to the watching and the waiting.  Sometimes a short blessing is all one is capable of absorbing  or hearing at one time.  Somehow they are a way of praying when you are not able.  As St. Paul says, “When we cannot pray as we ought, the Spirit prays in us”.  

From your own life experiences and in ministry to others, in what ways do you experience the life-giving presence of God in the challenges associated with a chronic diagnosis and in caring (personally and/or professionally) by those living with a chronic disease?  
My nephew, Ben, lives with ALS… since 2007.   He is in his mid 30’s and has two small children (4 and 6).  He is a graduate of Notre Dame in English and taught in the English Dept. of Fisher Catholic High School.  At this point in time he cannot eat, speak, move or even breathe without a ventilator.  And yet I experience the life-giving presence of God in who he is.  …  because  God has been present in him and his wife, Sarah, in his mother/my sister Jane, and in all the friends and relatives … who have never let Ben forget who he is!  … Ben communicates through a computer, using his eyes to put the words in the computer’s mouth … a slow and tedious process.  Yet his brother and sisters continue to joke with him.  He was best man at his brother’s wedding. His children “romp” with him by climbing all over his wheelchair.  His wife consults him in everything and they even have their occasional arguments.  The doctors said he would live 3-5 years.  He is now enjoying his sixth year with ALS.  His uncles come and exercise him and his brother and sister-in-law take them on vacation with them.  I’m sure they all have their moments.  But, none of them have forgotten who he is and in the process are learning who they are.  Ben has been blessed (made holy) by who they are.  And each of them (and I) have grown and been blessed (made holy) in return by who he is.  God waits with blessing for all of us and waits for us to bless in turn.  

What final thoughts or bits of wisdom would you like to share with our readers?
DO NOT STOP LOOKING FOR GOD!

I am grateful for Maxine taking time to share her story with our readers.  I encourage you to consider at least one of these books for yourself or someone you love.  The are a tremendous resource and an even better gift.

Have a Heart - How Creativity Can Heal the Soul

A colleague of mine, Rebecca, is an artist.  This October it will be five years since Rebecca's husband received a brand new heart.  I understand from her that the five year mark in the transplant world is cause for celebration.  Rebecca has just started a new series on her blog (Voyage of Discovery) called "Have a Heart" in which she will create all kinds of hearts.  Where it will lead ultimately ... well, it seems she will just continue her journey to see what unfolds with each step.  The link to her first post in this series can be found here.   It seems she is off to a terrific beginning already.  If you are a caregiver or one with chronic disease, I invite you to experiment with expressing the inexpressible through some form of creativity.  It might be doodling, coloring, taking pictures, collage, writing a poem (no rhyming necessary!), planting a small garden, cooking a special meal, watercolor, knitting ...  The list is endless.  Perhaps Rebecca's early "heart" attempts will inspire you as well.  Rebecca's blog has been added to our blog For Your Creative Spirit resource list for future reference.