SoulCollage for Hope

What a wonderful day we had yesterday!!  Our facilitator, MJ Abell, created a hope-filled altar space for us, supplied a wide variety of images from which to choose, and a gentle presence so we could create from our soul. The Worthington Hills Country Club offered a peaceful environment with attentive staff.   God provided a beautiful blue sky and warm temperatures for our journey to and from.  What more could we have asked for?

There were 14 of us cutting and gluing after an extended time of collecting more images than we could ever fit on our three cards!  Many took images home to continue this wonderful practice in our own time and space.

It was a meaningful and fun day.  AWBA  looks forward to offering this again in the future.   

What to say (and not to say) when you don't know what to say.

When I have been in places of anxiety, fear, grief,  loss, etc. due to the impact of a chronic diagnosis, it feels that almost everyone trying to support me says or does the "wrong" thing, or is so fearful of entering into my world that they become non-existent until the storm stabilizes.  At the time when we most need support, we can feel most isolated.  I know that people cannot read  my mind to know what I need.  At the same time, it is hard to find words to express what is needed.  It can be a vicious cycle.  

I have one perfect example of everything coming together in just the right way at the right time ...  

My father passed away about five years ago in the midst of one of the coldest and harshest winters in recent history.  It had been a painful season of life with a cancer diagnosis that moved quickly through my previously healthy, energetic father.  After the funeral, my husband, son and myself would be traveling about three hours from the cemetery to a restaurant near my parent's home where we would gather with a few family members that evening.  My husband and I had bought a small, weekend cottage in an area near my parents and we planned to spend the night there after dinner.  The thought of returning to our darkened cottage that had been closed up for two weeks because of the weather was almost more than I could bear.  I knew that snow would cover the walkway, no lights would be on and the temperature would be set at 50 degrees. It was either that or return to our home an hour away late at night.  Neither seemed ideal.

Having very little energy to ask for anything from anyone by that time, God gave me the words for an "ask" of a close friend who lived very near to our cottage.  I almost choked back the request because it felt too large to me at the time.  I asked if she would be willing to drive to our cottage and trudge through the snow to turn on a light and turn up the heat.  She said "yes" without a second thought. 

At the end of a very painful day, we arrived at our our cottage in the woods with its lights shining brightly.  A pathway had been cleared in the snow and the heat embraced us as we opened the front door. On the kitchen table was a beautifully wrapped basket of surprises for us -- nothing expensive, but everything that was needed in that moment.  I had not seen my friend for quite some time and, I don't believe I saw her for what a while after that.  But she and her husband were with us in Spirit.   We were deeply embraced in that moment and not alone.  I felt safe.

A friend of mine recently shared this blog link.  It is another person's response to this question.  This writer offers her perspective as one grieving the death of a parent, but I find her wisdom applicable to those living with a chronic diagnosis.  All of these resonate with me.  How could she know??  #9 is what has brought me the most pain over the years.  How about you?  Is there something you might add to this list?  If you find some or all of this helpful, you might want to adapt if for your own story and give it to those who are part of your support network.  They will likely appreciate your honesty and clarity.

One important note - Although I have traveled many journeys through this land of chronic diagnosis and grief, I know there are times I still say and do the "wrong" thing for someone else who is struggling.  Each of our stories and needs are different.  We do not know how another feels -- ever.  What worked for me will likely not work for you and I may trip over myself in my attempts at compassion.  So, offering grace to one another and to ourselves is critical.  For the many times someone's support felt wrong and anything but helpful, I have always been grateful that they tried.  Likewise, I trust that others are grateful for my sometimes misguided attempts at support. 

It seems that carrying an awareness, continuing to learn, and listening with the ear of the heart is the most important piece.  When we do that, the rest seems to fall into place and the sense of abandonment and isolation are not so heavy.

If you are in need of support, take the risk of a seemingly big ask as I did.  If there is someone who might need your support, meet their need as best you know how and go one step further.  It need not be complicated and certainly not expensive.

Prayer is vital and sometimes we need God with skin on as well ...

First PayPal, Now Facebook ...

For those who receive our monthly newsletters, you know that we recently began accepting charge payments and donations through our website utilizing PayPal.  Today, we launched our presence on Facebook.  I rely on our readers to let me know what is working for them and what is not working for them.  So, please, if you have difficulty accessing anything we do with technology, send me an email at director@myawba.org.  We are always learning and always in process.  Someone shared with me recently that one of the pages on our website could not be opened because I mistakenly attached it in "pages" format, only accessible to Mac users.  Yikes.  This page was posted last November!  I have to wonder how many people tried to open that page in the past year and could not do so. So, don't be shy about offering suggestions to make this site more user friendly and helpful.

If you are on Facebook, be sure to "like us."  We will get this button on our website in the near future.  As we see how this is being utilized, we will increase our posting activity.  I recognize that not everyone is on Facebook, so rest assured that we will continue to make full use of this blog, our website and our monthly newsletters to keep you informed.

When the Comforter Needs Comforting

As AWBA expands its virtual community through the power of the Internet, we grow with supporters and kindred spirits who share their personal stories, inspirational quotes, websites, blogs, etc.  I try to pass along as much of this goodness as possible.

One of our supporters, Julia, has been part of the AWBA family since the beginning and is one such kindred spirit.   Periodically, I receive an email from her that lifts my spirit as I am reminded there are people all over the world who are impacted by what we are about.  Julia is a caregiver and she shared with me recently, 

I came across this article today written for caregivers.  It speaks of the loneliness of when caregivers find themselves in the place of needing comfort themselves, and long for the care they themselves have poured out.  It resonated deeply with my own heart and experience, and I felt seen, heard and understood as the words washed over me.  I wanted to pass it on to you as a resource.  (click this link) For the Comforter 


My deepest gratitude to Julia for sharing her story and this particular blog post, and to Tanya Marlow and her blog link posted above.  As one who offers care as friend, family member,  Stephen Minister, chaplain, health care worker, social worker, clergy, etc. do you seek out comfort when you need it?  It can be hard to ask for support when others are "struggling so much more than I am."  It can be hard to even realize how weary you may be.  Having traveled this painful journey of compassion fatigue in my own life, I understand how subtly this comes about.    I resonate with Tanya's blog image shared above.  A man or woman with the gifts of compassion and mercy often gives the outward appearance of one who is sturdy, capable, and carrying a bottomless well of support for others who are struggling.  Then, at the end of the day or in the middle of the night, tears come unsure of who is ready to listen to the deep sadness and overwhelmingness as we prepare to do it all over again the next day.

What has been your experience with this?  Like my friend Julia, do you feel seen, heard and understood in these words or in this image?  Is there a comforter in your life who might need a word of support or a kindness to acknowledge their ministry of providing care?

For those who comfort, may you receive God's blessings of love, nurture and care in the darkest of your moments of supporting and offering care to another.  AWBA hears you.

Spirit of Sogetsu

Due to the interest in our free blog offering "The Spirit of Sogetsu - Making the Heart and Soul Connection" with Michelle Rogers, we have designed a separate blog specifically for this offering that runs through November.  The September post is now available and you can read it at www.awbasogetsu.blogspot.com.  This is a public blog and is open to anyone.  

A Final Story from Gilgal Farm

Another participant shares about the day's experience, 

I really enjoyed this day and it has not left me. It surprised me that I connected with a horse in such a special way.  It scared me at first, but I worked through my fear. By the end of the day, I needed no commands to get the horse to start, stop or follow me.  We just knew.  I also felt no pain until I tried to grasp the spoon (to carry the egg!).  But I definitely did not think about the constant burden of my current job and work at all during the day. I lost myself completely in something bigger than me:  God, the horse and the experience.  I have not stopped thinking about my horse since we met.  I would like to visit the farm again on my own.

This was such a wonderful day for the participants as well as for the facilitators and horse handlers.  We believe the horses had a good time as well!  

To view a Smilebox slideshow of the day's adventure, click on the Equine Event link below.  Most computers are able to download these, and it is better viewed on a desktop than on a mobile/portable device.   Currently, we use the free service for Smilebox so you may see some advertisements.  The show will begin about 20 seconds after the download is complete.  Enjoy.

Equine Event 2013

A Story from Gilgal Farm ...

Saturday's equine event at Gilgal Farm was magical.  I will post pictures and a Smilebox slideshow in the near future.  For those who would like to experience the impact of equine assisted learning, The Spirituality Network is sponsoring a weekend program in October at Gilgal with the same awesome women who facilitated our event.  Visit The Divine Mirror Equine Retreat for more information.

In the meantime, I was given permission to share a photo and a story from one of our participants.

This image speaks the proverbial "thousand words" for me. I had asked my horse handler what the "divot" in Snap's side/neck was from and she explained to me that it is called "the thumbprint of God". A mark from no known source or injury and it "just is". As I braided Snap's hair I was remembering (missing) my pre-chemo hair and smiling at how I now have my granddaughter's hair to braid. I think my recent 10-year milestone of cancer recovery has me still very aware of how it could have gone and more to the point, very aware of all I have been here to see these past 10 years! I was humbled to realize that I celebrate God's "hand" in my life but am just now recognizing "it-is-what-it-is" is God's thumbprint.

Thanks for today's gifts.