Instructions for Living a Life

Instructions for Living a Life

pay attention

be astonished

tell about it

~ Mary Oliver

I have been sitting with this quote for a few weeks now as I sketch and doodle to come up with a piece of art on which to place these words for safe keeping.   I think they need to stay with me for a while.

As many of you can appreciate, I am compelled to be outdoors in recent days.  It was nearly impossible to take my early morning walks when ice and snow covered every pathway (and I did try a few times), and temperatures were dangerously cold.  There were not enough layers to make it possible.  Now that the thermometer is above freezing, that is enough for me.   I ventured out in the wind and the rain this morning to visit my favorite garden to see how the new life is coming along.  I have seen crocuses showing their brightest party faces these past couple of weeks.  However, today, they were all curled in on themselves for safety.  But, oh my, the Lenten Roses were abundant and they did not care about the wind and the rain.  They demanded to be noticed.  Pink and white blooms everywhere.

I continued onto the boardwalk and came to a stop with this image.

I tried to keep walking but I couldn't.  Something drew me to the reflection of the bare trees.  Dripping wet with no one else walking the area but me; and this just stopped me in my tracks.  I don't know why.  Maybe someone else does??  It will come to me.

So, I lived Mary Oliver's words today. I paid attention in the midst of seemingly unpleasant environmental circumstances, I was astonished and now I am telling about it.  Was has astonished you this week?  Have you told someone?  It may seem silly like the above very wet walkway but there is no defending of "astonishment".  It simply is what it is.

I send blessings of spring to each of you.  May you look beneath the surface to new life straining to be found.  May it astonish you.  May you tell about it.   Share it here if you like :) 

Upcoming Retreat - Meet Libby Byrne

Our next online retreat "Beginning Again" is offered March 24-May 23.  This online community experience allows you to participate as much or as little as you like and to engage when it is convenient for you.   This program is open to anyone impacted by a chronic diagnosis which includes those in a personal support role, and volunteers and professionals serving this population.  Visit our website events page to learn about the book we will use and how you will be supported on this journey.  Registration deadline is March 14.

We have offered this program twice previously and are excited to welcome artist Libby Byrne from Melbourne, Australia as a participant for this 2014 version.  In addition to Libby sharing her own experience as one living with Multiple Sclerosis, Libby will share some of her artwork as a resource for retreat participants.  We asked Libby to share with our readers about herself and her connection to AWBA.   

Tell us a little bit about yourself. 

I live in Melbourne, Australia.  I am an artist and I have worked with art and people in many different ways for years now.  The discipline of being a practicing artist is also a means of paying attention to the presence of God.  The canvas is often a place where God happens for me. Working with art materials allows me to see my human experience and then make room for God to work within those places.  

How did you find AWBA all the way from Australia?

I discovered AWBA when I was having a difficult week living with Multiple Sclerosis.  Having googled a combination of ‘spirituality’ and ‘chronic illness’ the AWBA site appeared on my screen.  

What is your experience with a chronic diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with MS in February 2010, although I think that the first symptoms appeared in 2007 / 2008. However my experience with a chronic diagnosis began in the late 1990’s when one of my closest friends was diagnosed with MS.  For twelve years I found ways to try and be aware of her experience with this mystery condition that seemed to be debilitating on some days and then barely present on others. The experience of my own diagnosis was a deep shock.  I think that we had never considered the possibility that I could be diagnosed with the same thing – it seemed evident that my role with MS was to be aware of my friend and to care for her as she lived with chronic illness. There was an underlying assumption that if I was caring, I could not expect to also be living with my own illness.  Since February 4th, 2010 I have been challenged to find the time and energy to do both.  

How do you believe that AWBA and this online retreat will support the journey of those living with a chronic diagnosis and/or the loved ones and professionals who support them?

I am hoping that AWBA may be a network of people who are beyond the immediate connections of friends and family – and so able to be present when the people who live with illness are tired, emotionally and physically.  I am also hoping that AWBA will be a community who calls and reminds us to listen for God in the midst of life with chronic illness. 

What do you hope to bring to the "Beginning Again" retreat through your work as an art therapist, studies with art and healing, and your own experience as one impacted by a chronic diagnosis?

As the retreat unfolds I plan to work with art materials to see the experience.  In sharing some of these images I hope that others might find resonances with their own experience.  However, it might also be that an image I post may be surprising to others and in this case I hope that it might be a signpost to begin thinking about our human experience of God differently.   I also hope that others may be inspired to make their own visual and creative responses.  I hope that in posting art online as we retreat – my images will be like postcards from my journey sent and received by others who are on similar but different journeys.  

What do you love most about living in Australia?

I value the freedom that I have in living in Australia and I am deeply aware of abundance as I live my life here. 

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Libby and I have had wonderful exchanges via email and I hope you will consider this retreat opportunity as a gift for yourself or someone you know.   You can view some of Libby's art on her website.  I look forward to facilitating this experience and to journeying with you for this retreat. -- Judy

The Power of Creativity

I deeply appreciate the power of creativity to bring us into the present moment.  Visual art, clay, collage, poetry, fiber, photography can all quiet our minds, settle anxiety, give "voice" to experiences that are beyond everyday words, offer beauty to ourselves and others, and provide an overall sense of well-being even when our circumstances may not be that great.  We also can't forget the creativity expressed through cooking, gardening and interacting with animals.

The Spirituality Network offers an annual event, "Arti Gras", held on the Saturday before Ash Wednesday.  This year's event will take place on March 1 at Trinity Lutheran Seminary in Bexley, Ohio.   Over the years, I have been an attendee, a workshop facilitator, and donated items for their auction.    This year I have been invited to offer the morning's keynote address, "We ARE Artists, The Power of Creativity."  I am so excited to be a part of this year's event and to be in a place to send everyone into their day of creativity.  I just received the workshop list for the day.   The Network and its creative partners have outdone themselves again.   Attending this event is a gift you give yourself (or another - bring a friend!).  This is a fun day with a focus on process, not product.  Each of us is an artist.  Sometimes all it takes to open that gift is to be among others who are playing alongside  you in a fun, informal, and nonjudgmental environment.  To learn more visit 14th Annual Arti Gras.   

If I have not met you as part of the AWBA community, please seek me out after I speak and introduce yourself to me.  I would enjoy meeting you!

AWBA Expands to Australia

"I arise today, through the strength of heaven."

Art by Libby Byrne

"Working as an Artist I have been aware of an experience of mutuality that exists within the relationship I have with art.   Within the context of this relationship, I have learned that art is much more than a resource to be mastered or manipulated in the communication of an idea.  In fact the important thing is not what I can do with art, but what art can do with me.   When I am open and alive to these possibilities, art becomes a path on which I can travel. "  ~ Libby Byrne

We were recently contacted by artist Libby Byrne who lives in Melbourne, Australia.  Libby is interested in AWBA’s ministry and expressed a  desire to connect with AWBA in some manner.  Libby is a lecturer at Melbourne’s LaTrobe University in the Master of Art Therapy program.  In addition to being an art therapist, Libby is in the midst of her PhD, a theological inquiry into the Art of Healing.  Visit her website at Libby Byrne.

We are excited to share with you that Libby will provide some of her images with accompanying reflections for AWBA’s upcoming online retreat, “Beginning Again” offered March 24-May 23.  To learn more about the retreat, visit our website Upcoming Events.

This event is open to those with a diagnosis, family/friends, and volunteers/professionals who support this population.  We have offered this twice in the past and it was very well received.  I facilitate this retreat and deeply appreciate the opportunity to journey with this audience that covers the entire spectrum of living with chronic diagnosis.  I am encouraged by the stories, and touched by the care and nonjudgmental presence offered by participants to one another.  Take a look at the flyer on the link above, check out the book we will use on Amazon, visit Libby's link and discern if you or someone you know could benefit from this depth of community for an extended time.  The online format allows for flexibility across time zones and participants engage the material at their convenience.   

A Choice for Creative Joy

I am not a fan of New Year Resolutions.  In my own experience, and it seems with many others, it sets up a continuum of success or failure.  So much of life seems either/or, right/wrong, success/fail, good/bad.  As I have journeyed through life, the blacks and whites are not as clear anymore.  My husband and I were talking the other night and I blurted out with frustration, "The more I know, the more I don't know."  That is not a new thought but I understood it in a deeper place than ever before in that moment.  I think "at this age" I should know more, and I know less with each passing year???  What????  Frustrating.  I know that some people claim there is nothing left to surprise them.  As much as part of me desires that for myself and envies their seeming certitude, I also find it sad.  I want to believe there are surprises and places of growth that await me.  God is not done teaching me.  I want to remain teachable and receptive through the unknowing and humbling pieces of it all. 

There is a growing movement to let a word choose you for the new year.  Abbey of the Arts introduced that idea to me a few years ago.  For the past four years,  I have embraced a word for the year.    I suppose I don't want to add another black or white to my repertoire - I either succeed or fail with a resolution.  Allowing a word to reveal itself to me at year end, sets me up for all kinds of surprises and growth.  The word works its way through me in a way that I cannot control.  Having that intentionality for 12 months keeps me aware and open to how the Spirit is guiding me to that place.

Last year's word was "horizon."  I stretched, risked and explored to the edges of the places God took me, and my personal life and the life of this AWBA community was served by that journey.  As I explored those new lands, AWBA expanded into new areas.  We will begin to reap that harvest in 2014.  

I explored a few words for 2014 until the word "joy" came at me from about multiple directions in the span of a few hours.  After sitting with it for a few days, it is clear that I am being invited to be a seeker of creative joy in  2014.  I need joy in my life to balance the hard stuff.  How about you?  I am not looking for momentary snippets of happiness, although I will take them as they come.  I am talking about the deeper places that are not dependent on my circumstances.  I did a search of Joy in the Bible and the references are numerous.  Joy is God's idea :)  I focused on those in the book of Psalms and found 53 of them.  Perfect for a weekly joy meditation practice.  Now that I have settled in that place, other quotes and affirmations are coming forth.

"I have been in Sorrow's kitchen and licked out all the pots.  Then I have stood on the peaky mountain wrapped in rainbows, with a harp and sword in my hands." -- Zora Neale Hurston, poet

As we humans sit in Sorrow's kitchen at times, I want to remember the possibility of being "wrapped in rainbows."  AWBA will do its best to help you wrap yourself in rainbows in 2014 in the midst of  your circumstances.  Using the Holy Text for your faith or other words of inspiration, consider "joy" as an invitation for 2014.   Reflect on what you find and, even if it is not your word for the new year, create a space for joy to take up residence within you as you journey with a chronic diagnosis.

AWBA will offer a new online retreat in early spring.  We have two new public blogs to launch this month and late winter.  We will keep you updated on this blog, our Facebook page and our AWBA newsletter. 

Thank you for your place in this AWBA journey.

The Challenges of Virtual Living

Those who know me well have heard my mantra of these past few years along the lines of, "How did I end up here?"  I am an introvert and a somewhat private person - or at least until I founded AWBA and was invited into the social media realm if we wanted any opportunity to connect with all of you.  Although this land with AWBA feels very unfamiliar at times, it often feels like something I know from a very long time ago and had forgotten.  As I work to integrate my inner life and outer life, the tension of walking the fine line between Public AWBA Life and Private Judy Life has become more noticeable within me.  I am AWBA and AWBA is me.   The line is fading.  I realize that so much of leading a nonprofit is grounded in building a relationship between the organization and those being served.  This includes myself as the founder, and our board members who are very active in helping get the word out and building relationships within their own circle of influence.  The AWBA virtual community must have a sense of who we are as individuals before you trust us with your financial and in-kind donations, trust us by registering for an event, and trust us by referring people to us who you believe could be served by what we do.  

I do recognize the need to put myself out there with some degree of vulnerability through these blog posts, our Facebook page, the AWBA newsletter and other avenues of communication.  It is inviting me well beyond my safe comfort zone,  and I suspect some of you resonate with that as well.   I think at the root of all of this is getting past the initial sense that I am publicizing myself in some way.  As I follow other online, non-profit founders through their virtual world meanderings, I see deep sharing in what they post.  It always draws my attention to their personal growing edges (which is a helpful connection for me) and to their ministry to others.  It is my deepest hope as I continue to learn how to "do this" that you, as our readers, will always be drawn to what AWBA is about and to my own personal journey as it connects with your journey.  

I guess all of this is offered as preface to the fact that I went beyond my comfort zone yet again.  I have shared in prior communication about my connection to Abbey of the Arts - a virtual monastery founded by Christine Valters Paintner.  Christine has played a huge role in so many facets of my spiritual growth.   A few months ago, she asked me to write a guest post for her blog.  Although I quickly agreed to it at the time, as the deadline approached the Private Judy Life came to the forefront.  With God's help, I pushed past it and wrote in a stream of consciousness.  You can read it here.  If something in this story resonates with you, take a moment to comment on our blog by clicking the comment link below and/or by sharing a response on the Abbey's blog post.  Either will find its way to me.  I now know it was a good step to take in the midst of great discomfort.  AWBA is receiving inquiries, and additions to our newsletter list.  So, I am breathing a bit easier today :)  Take time to visit Christine's Abbey.  She offers a wonderful array of opportunities if this is something that intrigues you.  

The virtual world can be used in ways that are not helpful which, I suspect, is where the discomfort arises.  However, AWBA and many others are learning how it is used for good.  Thank you Christine for making AWBA a part of the Abbey.  Thank you Stacy Wills for posting us on your Sacred Alter Blog.  Thank you to others who share about who we are via their virtual world, and I don't necessarily know about it.  Drop me a note to let me know.  

Do you play in the rain?

Many years ago, our son gave me this card.  I love the exuberant joy that fills this child's entire body, head to toe.  The inside reads, "Soak it up.  Congratulations."  I do not recall what he was congratulating me for and, unfortunately, I did not date it.  However, I have kept it on a shelf in our family room because of the note he wrote beneath the Hallmark sentiment.  He asked me,  "Do you play in the rain?"

Although I did not intend to make my daily sunrise walks a spiritual practice,  it has become just that.  I do it because I enjoy it and, slowly, I have noticed a difference in how I am able to move through the day with greater peace and awareness of God's presence regardless of what circumstance collides with my well-planned day.  There is something to be said about a daily rhythm that begins with a simple walk through whatever force of nature greets me that morning.  The "practice" part is now becoming more apparent as the weather becomes a bit less favorable.  

I have had a few recent days that were dry but very chilly at 7:15 in the morning.  Two days last week were a bit warmer with a steady rain.  I am accumulating the necessary attire to support me in  my desire to show up, five mornings a week, regardless of the environment.   I thought of my son's question last Friday morning as I walked alone in a somewhat drenching rainfall.   My pants became wet at the ankles, my shoes approached the stage of "squishy", my right shoulder (uncovered by my umbrella) began to absorb the wet.  But I kept walking barely aware that "normal" people might not think it a good morning for a walk.  All of the fall leaves and mums are gone.  There is an abundance of wheat and copper color foliage and, in some places, bright red berries.   The coming winter brings such clarity and simplicity in the midst of a barren landscape. 

What does it mean, really, to "play in the rain"?  I have had life seasons in which there have been little sense of play.  Hard circumstances surrounded me and the concept of play, joy, and frivolity seemed well beyond reach.  It almost seems an insult to be asked that question in those times.  But, this card has served as a constant reminder.  As I walked in the rain on Friday,  I felt an answer bubbling up.  Yes, I have learned ways to allow joy and play into circumstances that would have made that choice quite a challenge a few years ago.   Then there are days when the rain is pounding and heavy.  The idea of play or taking it in stride is nearly impossible and, honestly, would seem inauthentic if I declared play as an option.

So as I walked in the rain that morning remembering summer days filled with sunshine and abundant foliage, I realized that while playing in the rain is often more possible than we think, sometimes simply showing up in the rain and putting one foot in front of the other as best we can is just enough.  

How do you play in the rain?  As we enter into this season of gratitude, perhaps it is an opportunity to find ways to say "thank you" especially on those days when your particular rainfall seems heavier than you think you can absorb.  Can you find a seed of playful hope waiting to be embraced?  And, then, there are those times when unrelenting waves of sadness pour down upon us without relief.  In those times, it seems best to simply experience it for what it is.  We reach out to a friend for support, call on God who companions us through everything, and hold out hope that we will learn how to play in that new land by showing up every morning (always beginning again) and putting one foot in front of the other.  It is my deepest prayer that AWBA can companion you in some of those places on your journey.  It is why we exist.